Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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