How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
