We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
