i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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