Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
