I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
