I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
