I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
