you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My vagina just clenched in fear
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