im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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