By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
