her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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