Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
