i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
