LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Two words: nipple clamps
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