two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
