Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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