It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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