Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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