i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
