You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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