please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
