Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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