cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
