thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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