The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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