these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
