I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
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How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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