I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
