Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
