when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
