then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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