im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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