maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
