i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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