I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
