oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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