I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
