i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize