i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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