We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
