Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
