May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
