if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
