i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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