I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
