is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
