finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
