I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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