he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish I only lived at night.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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