How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
