I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
