If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
