I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
