Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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