Joe is yelling at the trees again.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have fence marks all over my body
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
