apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
