I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
