i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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