What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
