Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
