My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
