you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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