I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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