dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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