i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
