Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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