With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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