Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
His nipple licking is glorious
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