Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What a dumb baby whore.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
